A few weeks ago the stars were realigned. The Archimedes’ Lever of this cosmic shift was, of all places, in Minnesota, where a newspaper published an article quoting an astronomer on an issue involving the accumulated result of long, slow gravitational pull. These comments went viral online at something close to the speed of light, leading to reevaluation of the Zodiac, panic among horoscope followers, assorted tweets defending or regretting tattoo selections, and some attempts at explanation from astrologists as to their systems of making sense of human existence through claims about the pull of the stars.
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As it turns out, all this was just a harbinger for the next round of horoscope-related news, a media meteor shower that began last Thursday with a press release from Illinois-based Allstate Insurance containing tabulated data on insurance reports and star signs, proving that Scorpios were the safest drivers, Virgos the worst. In second-best spot were the Ophiuchuses of the world, those being folks born in the thirteenth month, under the thirteenth sign, a guy with a big snake in his arms. Ophiuchus has long been part of sidereal astrology (dominant in India, among other places), but absent from the traditionally twelve-signed tropical system most popular with American newspapers until now, with the revised map of the night sky and its influence on human destiny.
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Just as the revision of the Zodiac had induced popular outcry—people who had long self-identified as melodramatically emotional Pisces were suddenly told, for instance, that there were actually under the influence of Aries, which resulted in fiery rage and general confusion about one’s nature and destiny—so too this news from Allstate, which turns out to have been a kind of ill-conceived advertising stunt, set off buzz and worry such that this Sunday an official correction was issued from the company.
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You Are Not Your Star Sign – Religion Dispatches